E Is For Ego

CHARACTERS

RITSUKA FUJIMARU, a normal human from Chaldea

RITSUKA FUJIMARU, a normal human from CHALDEAS

 

ACT ONE

The stage is completely empty save for a single table in the middle of the room. The walls are pure white. The table is covered in various stains. The lights are extremely bright, like that of an operating table.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU (GUDAO) enters the stage.

GUDAO: And yet another day in this god-forsaken room. I do not recall the last time I have seen the sunlight. I do not recall the last time I have received nourishment from anything but this IV drip. I do not recall the last time I have freely moved my limbs.

The audience is empty, save for a single seat. RITSUKA FUJIMARU (Gudako) is observing the scene.

GUDAO: Well. For all I know, it might not have been a full day. But the only way I have to measure time is through the ins and outs of the scientists. They have left for now, and so that is a day. When they will leave again, it will be another. Time is important. One must keep track of it. I tried to count the seconds at first, and the minutes and the hours and the weeks and the years, but I keep getting distracted. I have no choice but to use alternative means.

Gudao starts pacing around the stage. Gudako gets up from her seat. He does not notice her.

GUDAO: Yes, that is a lot of work, but isn’t it amazing? Work, work, work, work! To be able to busy your mind and your hands on something outside of yourself! Isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t it delightful? Isn’t it… a lot of other words ending in -ful? Man, I wish I had more work. I wish I had more to do, anything at all. It’s a luxury all too often forgotten.

Gudako walks up to the stage, hand outstretched. Her gaze is fixated on Gudao. Gudao’s gaze is looking at nothing.

GUDAO: Here, I’ll tell you a secret. If I think about time, I don’t think of anything else. If I obsess over something, I can stay insane. Madness is the only shield I have left. If I’m obsessing over days and seconds and years and minutes then I’m not thinking about how much I want to hear and taste and see and feel and all I am getting is pain and pain and pain and pain.

The lights flicker. Footsteps can suddenly be heard, growing louder and louder. Gudao’s head snaps towards the stage exit, eyes wide, breath quickening.

GUDAO: They’re coming back. They’re coming back. I don’t understand why they keep doing this to me. I’m telling them, I keep telling them, I’m human, I’m human, I’M HUMAN, I’M HUMAN! Stop doing this to me, stop making me go through this, stop, stop, please, please, someone saves me, somebody saves me, if there is someone anyone that can hear me please SAVE ME-

Gudako takes hold of his leg, and pulls him off stage.

---

You wake up in cold sweat, panting, heart racing. Immediately, you bring your hand to your chest. The fabric is soft underneath your fingers. You can feel that the skin beneath is smooth, aside from the scar that Shuten (Shuten?) has given you back when she stabbed (cut open? Vivisected?) you.

“A problem, Master?”

You turn to the voice. It seems that you woke up during Fergus’s night shift.

You shake your head. “It’s nothing.” You say. “Just a nightmare.”

He gives you a look you cannot decipher, despite how long (how long?) the two of you have known each other.

“Go back to sleep, then. You’re a growing boy. You need to rest.”

With a small nod, you lie back down.

---

ACT THIRTEEN

Fujimaru Gudako is the one pacing on the stage this time. She’s wringing her hands, looking nervous. Fujimaru Gudao is in the audience, looking at her.

FUJIMARU GUDAKO: I do not know how he has managed to handle this before I found him. Every day they come and every day they find new sickening things to inflict upon us. These are not tests- they’re torture. They’re experiments for the sake of pure fun.

Fujimaru Gudao gets up from his seat. He extends a hand, but she shakes her head.

FUJIMARU GUDAKO: No, no- I can endure it. I can endure it. I am not sane yet. The more I stay here the less you need to be here. I can endure it. I can endure it. I have to endure it. He was right. Keeping track of time is important. That is all we have. That is all we can do. I have to endure it. I have to endure it.

Footsteps can suddenly be heard, growing closer and closer. Fujimaru Gudako starts shaking, holding herself.

FUJIMARU GUDAKO: Time. Time. I need to keep track of time. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Oh, god. What will they do this time? They’ve already pulled all my organs out to measure them. They’ve already skinned my limbs and stitched the skin back up. They’ve already played with my nerves until half of them died. God. Fuck. One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. I have to endure it. I have to endure it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, someone save me, someone please save me-

Fujimaru Gudao reaches up, and pulls her offstage.

---

You blink rapidly, the world coming into your vision in pieces. First shapes, then colors, and finally, pattern recognition.

“Hey. Hey, young miss.” Caster Cu Chulainn is snapping his fingers next to your ear. He looks worried. “You okay there?”

“Ah… sorry. I felt dizzy all of the sudden.” You smile at him. Your sudden bouts of REM-REM sleep still haven’t gotten any better.

“Your blood sugar might be low. Here, eat this.” He pushes a bowl of rice into your hands. “I know it’s plain, but it’ll have to do.”

It’s a simple bowl of rice. There is no sauce, no salt, not any sort of spice added to it. A simple bowl of rice with no special taste or texture.

For some reason, it feels delicious to you right now.

---

ACT SEVENTY-FIVE

Ritsuka Fujimaru is sitting on the edge of the stage. Fujimaru Ritsuka is standing upright in the audience, leaning on the stage. They’re looking at each other.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: Do you remember?

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: Which part?

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: Which one is Zhuang Zhou and which one is the butterfly.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: I don’t. I don’t remember which one of us is real.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: We both are. That’s the tragedy. The pain is real no matter which of us is dreaming.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: Gudao is from CHALDEAS, and Gudako is from Chaldea. That’s how it went, right?

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: I think so, yes.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: So which of us is which?

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: I am Ritsuka Fujimaru.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: I am Ritsuka Fujimaru.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: It’s all muddled. It’s all fucked. Why is this happening? Why is any of this happening? Why can’t we both stand on the same side of the curtain? Why can we only swap and share this weight and this pain?

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: This sucks. This sucks hard balls.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: Yeah.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: There’s no way for the both of us to live through this, is there?

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: No.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: I’m sorry.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: I am too.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: I want to live.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: I do too.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair! We both gave so much- why does it have to be like this? Why can’t anyone hear us at all?

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: One of us heard the other, though. One of us heard the desperate plea of a lab rat, and accepted to dream with them. Isn’t it a miracle already?

Footsteps can suddenly be heard, coming closer and closer.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: We’re out of time. We need to switch.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: Time. It always comes down to time.

Fujimaru Ritsuka climbs onto the stage, and Ritsuka Fujimaru falls from it.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: Hey. If I’m the one to die. Thank you for sharing your pains and your joys with me.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: And thank you for accepting mines.

FUJIMARU RITSUKA: I love you.

RITSUKA FUJIMARU: I know. I am you. I love you too.

---

 The room alone is already sickening. White walls, white floor, and that single, damned, fucking operation table in the middle. The air smells like blood and antiseptic, the alliance of copper and chlorine almost enough to make you retch. But the worst, the worst, is the body.

“This is specimen E.” Ruler Moriarty tells you, two steps away from disappearing, and through the shocked gasps of your companions all you can think of is

Oh

That’s [  ]

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